Monday, November 21, 2005

Sharon Selby Part II

All right, now where did I leave off??? I think the last thing I talked about was when Sharon and her aunt visited for Easter and we all went to the Knoxville Zoo. Anyways, I think we may have had one more holiday season with the both of them, but soon after that Vange passed away. She lived in Toledo, Ohio, and there was no way we could get there unfortunately. She had suffered for quite awhile, but lived a long, good life to be over the age of 90. It was very sad to all of us, and I can imagine Sharon was crushed to lose her last living family member.

Soon after the funeral and all the formal arrangements back in Toledo, we got a card from Sharon thanking us for everything we had done for her and Vange. Inside the card was the notice from the newspaper, which actually had sort of a lengthy biography. In that notice, I found out some very interesting facts, such as that Vange was in the Navy during World War II. She never actually fought in the war, but she was here in the States doing electrical work for the Navy. She was one of those women that stepped in to work while all the men were at war, a very noble thing to do back then I'm sure. It was very sad that she was gone, but I felt glad to have known her.

As I began to get older, we saw Sharon less and less, mostly still at holidays, but not nearly as much. Now we were only seeing her maybe once a year, and sometimes not even that. Despite that though, we would still talk on the phone with her every once in a while, especially at holidays. She even began a sort of tradition of calling us on our birthdays, and this became a very happy tradition. Now the conversations didn't focus as much on computers and games, but on politics, religion, literature (reading was her biggest hobby!), and school.

Politics for Sharon was influenced somewhat by her profession as an attorney. She had very firm beliefs about the Law and justice in this country, and her political stance showed that. Sharon was a "devout" Democrat, and there was no issue big or small that she wasn't fully knowledgeable about. As I became older and started looking at politics, we would have a few political discussions about what was going on the world and how the politicians could fix it. I began to see that I agreed with a lot she had to say, and I think she was a major influence on my choosing to be a little more liberal. Our biggest discussions occurred before and after the 2000 presidential election, when we would discuss the major issues at the time and the candidates' views on those issues. Sharon was outspoken in her dislike of Bush; I would go so far as to say she despised him with all her heart. (not hate; I don't think Sharon ever hated anyone) We would criticize everything he did and said (not that either candidate was perfect, of course), and give reasons why he shouldn't be elected. Alas, he was elected, but Sharon accepted this and we moved on from that.

We still had those political conversations, mostly just discussing what should be done with this country and how to fix it if we could. We would discuss tax reform, health care, the War in Iraq (and anywhere else there was a war going on), and all the other major issues. This carried on up to the 2004 election, where again Sharon was totally against Bush, and wouldn't hesitate to tell anyone that. We again had the same sorts of conversations about the candidates, and criticized the entire Bush presidency. But, again, Bush won the election, and we were both very disappointed. I would like to think, though, that her political views have been passed on to me, which maybe in the future can make a difference in this country.

As far as religion goes, Sharon was as you could say, a born-again Catholic (not the same as a born-again Christian; just making a point). She had been non-practicing for a very long time, and we had tried for years to have her come to Mass with us while she visited. We did succeed at one point, and boy was she glad to be back. This time, though, she was fully engaged in everything the Church did, and became very involved in the adult groups at her local parish. This marked a major turning point in her life, and she seemed to be happier than ever now that she was back in the Church. I think even at one point she was teaching an adult faith class about Scriptures, but I'm not sure about that. She also began volunteering more in the community, especially with the local Sisters of Mercy. Now we were having more and more religious discussions about morality and social justice, which actually tied in with what I was learning in school at one point. She showed compassion for the poor and homeless (which actually ties into political stuff, mostly tax reform) and we discussed that at one point also. Because she was an avid reader, the Bible was a good thing for her. She began reading it more and reflecting and meditating on those Scriptures more. It was amazing how she had become such a spiritual person. And to think, my mom may have been the one to catalyze that!

Now, if you asked anyone who knew her what her most precious hobby was, everyone would say that Sharon absolutely loved reading. As far as I know, she would read about anything, from mysteries, medical fiction, historical books, and even the Harry Potter books. There was always something to read for her, no matter what it was. Apparently, her home was filled with shelves and shelves of books, almost all of which she had read at one point. She could name off anything that she had read in order to make a point or entertain, and that was a great quality. Most Christmases (and even at other points in the year) she would buy us books that she thought would interest us, so that we could broaden our minds and entertain our curiosity. This became another sort of tradition over the years, and I still have most of those books. I don't think I ever received a book that I didn't like from her, so she must have figured my taste out pretty well! She also used her love of reading to catch up on current events and history, and I was amazed by her wealth of knowledge about any given topic. If she didn't know something, by golly if she didn't read up on it and report it back to us! This was surely a great talent to have, and everyone loved that quality about her.

And finally, the discussions about school. To her, nothing was more important for us than to get a good education and learn as much as possible. This was especially important when I was in high school, and we would discuss just about anything I had been learning in every class. We discussed the books I read in my English classes, and Sharon had a particular fascination with Shakespeare. Since every year we read a new Shakespeare play, we would always discuss them, and then she would reminisce about when she was reading those plays in school. She enjoyed hearing about all the stuff I learned in science, since there have been so many new discoveries since when she was in school obviously. We liked to talk about the future, and she wanted so badly that we get into good colleges and make something of ourselves. That's why she was so excited (and yet very nervous) when it came time for me to apply to colleges. At one point, I had absolutely no idea whatsoever where I wanted to go, and that was a little disheartening to her. But she said to just keep looking and to apply ASAP. Well, when I mentioned applying to Xavier, she was really excited. She knew a lot about the quality of education here, and what a great influence the Jesuits have on college students. So, when I told her about my acceptance here, she was really excited for me, and very proud. I would be able to further my education at a great institute of higher learning, and she was so happy to hear that. It was great to have someone else out there that was rooting for me and praying for me every step of the way.

Well, in the past few years, we actually didn't get to see Sharon really at all, since she had been staying home more and more. She had many health problems, and was on a plethora of medications, which kept her from traveling across the state. This also kept us from going to visit her, since she really didn't feel that she could keep company for any length of time. So, we just relied on the telephone and e-mail to keep in touch, which wasn't the same of course, but we all understood. It was still great to get e-mails, phone calls, and the occasional card in the mail from her, just to say hi or how much she cared about us. We would think about her even more around her favorite holidays, especially Thanksgiving, and we would always get a call from her to wish us well during those times. And even though we didn't get to see her in person, we always felt her presence and thought about her all the time.

Over the past two years or so, Sharon underwent several operations to correct some of her health problems. One in particular was a shortness of breath, which had been caused by a build-up of fluid around her heart. She has several procedures to remove this fluid, but time and time again, it kept coming back. For the most part, she was still doing her day-to-day activities, but the shortness of breath began to hold her back. Finally not too long ago, she had the same heart procedure again, but this time the findings were different. Apparently there had been tumor cells in the fluid, which were left over from when she had breast cancer so many years ago. Those cells were still wreaking havoc on her body, and it was beginning to show again. Now she was kept mostly at home and was having a lot of trouble breathing to the end. After more than two years of this, Sharon passed away at her home, with all her comforts and some of her friends around her. This was a great shock to everyone who knew her, and I took this especially hard. It has been very difficult to believe that she is really gone, but I do think reliving these memories has helped ease that pain a little bit. I hope this has also been therapeutic to her many other friends, who were indeed her family. Now I think more about how she is watching down over me and smiling, and hopefully still rooting for me to make something good of myself.

Before I close this post, I would like to attach the newspaper notice that I found in The Tennessean the other day:

Sharon SELBY
Davidson county
Age 61
November 15, 2005
Age 61 of Nashville, passed away at home November 15, 2005 after a long and courageous battle with breast cancer. Ms. Selby was a graduate of Hollins College and the University of Tennessee College of Law. She was an avid reader and a passionate follower of politics and current events. She used her intellectual abilities to engage social issues, helping others to see the importance of being politically active. Her devotion to Catholicism and her scholar's grasp of the Bible and church teaching, gave her a deep love for the poor and disenfranchised, so much so that she devoted the last years of her life volunteering at the House of Mercy. Her final wish was that her body be donated to science. A Memorial service will be held at St. Edward's Catholic Church at a later date. Contributions in Sharon's memory may be given to The House of Mercy, 4903 Tennessee Ave. North, Nashville, TN 37209. Sharon will be missed by all who knew her.

Well that's really all I can say right now. For all of Sharon's friends out there, I hope these good memories have made you think about your own good memories of Sharon, and please keep those good memories around. Do this especially during this week, as it is Thanksgiving, Sharon's favorite holiday.

To Sharon: your family is thinking of you every day, and we miss you with all our hearts. Please watch over us, and rest in peace. We love you very much and we look forward to the day when we can be with you again.

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